Here is a recent post I wrote about trusting my intuition when it comes to my work in the world. We must learn to trust our intuition again and again, to hear it speaking, even when we are afraid. I am so glad I listened.
About eight years ago, when I was just about to leave my marriage to my daughter’s step father, I took a drive in the hills above Canyon Road in Santa Fe. The roads are still dirt there. There are houses with old Catholic shrines and chapels built devoted to Guadalupe and various saints.
At the time, I was in an internal struggle with myself and quite worried about money. I was also questioning whether or not I should continue down the road of solo performance, as both a coach and a director or not. I loved it, but continued to stress about whether I could make it work financially, sustainably, without moving to a bigger city, which I was unwilling to do at that time for the sake of my daughter.
A friend of mine had recommended me for a ‘real job’ as the head of publicity at a resort outside of Santa Fe. The thought sickened me, but the lure of a regular paycheck and health insurance was enticing. Especially, as I was leaving the marriage with no financial safety net. I was seriously considering it.
I was sitting in my car, with the engine turned off, and began to speak aloud to my deceased mentor, Spalding Gray. I was wondering what I should do.
Now as many of you know, Spalding was a solo performer/storyteller extraordinaire. And for most of his career, through all his shows, he sat at his desk and did his monologues. He never stood up….except for once. In the last full monologue of his life, he did a piece on late in life fatherhood called “Morning, Noon and Night.” In this piece, at one point, he got up with a boom box on his shoulder and danced across the stage. In that moment, he brilliantly portrayed the joys and conflicts of being a parent while also being an artist.
So, the song he got up and danced to, in this one dance onstage of his life, was an Irish pop song called “Tub thumping” that had become a hit in the 90s in the states.
I finished my talk aloud, watched a spectacular apricot and orange colored Santa Fe sunset and turned on my car to drive home. The radio came on. Have you already guessed the song? Yup. Tub-thumping, which I had not heard in years.
I laughed and I cried and I was affirmed once again by what I needed to do.
I called the resort and declined the job offer. And, I walked on.
If you’re going to fully embody the life you want, then you totally trust your intuition. Your intuition is your strongest guidance system, that is going to get you through the bumpy times, the stuck times and the overly exciting times. Your intuition is going to let you know what the next step or steps are, exactly as you need them.
For the love of story,
Tanya
