Sexuality and Creativity
Our creativity and our sexuality are intimately connected.
If one looks at the relationship of the two from the Eastern standpoint of the chakra’s (article below) ,one finds that they literally arise from the same place in the body.
In my life, I know that when I am creatively energized and open, I am also sexually energized and open.
Because I work so intimately (not that kind of intimacy!) with my clients on their solo shows and as a memoir and story coach, I have been privy to many stories surrounding this issue.
Even if we’re in the habit of churning out writing, is it inspired? Is it energized? Is it alive?
Are you inspired? Are you energized? Are you alive?
How much does this relate to your sexuality? How comfortable are you with the expression of it? Conversely, are you a bit too obsessed with sex and are you draining away all of that juicy energy into orgasms when some of it needs to feed your creative being?
These questions are meant to shake you up a bit. Are you finding ways to express yourself fully while you have this delicious human body to enjoy?
I know people who are thirty- five or forty- five who have suppressed much of their sexuality. They may or not be married or partnered. I also know people in their eighties having scandalously wild affairs and others who continue to masturbate regularly. For seven years, I worked as a writing coach in an elders community with an amazing group of eight writer’s who were residents there. They had eleven books published between them, that they wrote during those years. I learned a lot about sexuality and creativity later in life from them. Not surprisingly, they all were active in both ways, unlike many of the residents at the same community who seemed much older in both body and spirit that my lively, brilliant, artistic group.
It’s not about age. It’s not about menopause.
It’s about being awake to this aspect of yourself. It’s also not your partner’s responsibility. If you have a passionate partnership, wonderful. But, if you do not, but still choose to stay in that relationship, you need to find ways to keep your sexual channel open and flowing. There are various ways to do this.
Perhaps you and your partner have an agreement to be sexual with other people.
But, perhaps you are in a monogamous relationship where there is no juice. What do you do then?
Sexuality is not just about orgasms. Perhaps you take warm, sensual baths with essential oils as a way of opening up to that energy, perhaps you take an afternoon off of work to masturbate then take a nap in the sunshine, perhaps you buy yourself underwear that makes you feel sexy, perhaps you take walks in the country or take up yoga classes to get more feeling back into your body. Maybe you can talk with your lover and see if he or she is willing to do some tantric work together, starting with breathing together and holding each other in new ways.
Perhaps you will decide to take a lover or leave your partnership. I have no idea what is the “right” path for you. I only know that to stay in a state of “shut down” or “just getting by” slows down both the quality and quantity of our creative flow or stunts it entirely
I know that this can be a very challenging issue to begin to look at, whether you are single or in partnership.
So let’s go gently, slowly around this issue. I’ll check back in with you about it, more than once. over the year around it. It’s all a process. So, if this was a scary lesson for you, take a deep breath.
Personally, I am fifty -one, and as open creatively and as sexually as open as I’ve ever been. This past summer, I left a loving relationship because there was simply no juice between us. This person is still one of my dearest friends in the world. But for me, as a creativity coach and an artist myself, I cannot bear to live in a stunted sexual environment.
Not everybody is like me and I know that. We all have different lives and different circumstances including practical considerations. But I challenge you to look at your relationship to sexuality, sensuality and creativity and how they are all interconnected.
Many people with very creative brains are drawn to novelty. The very routines that can make some kind of people feel safe, drives us absolutely crazy.
This may arise as an issue in your creativity and your sexuality. As I write this, I feel the need to add that I include no morality to the mix because that is not the place I personally live from. I live ethically, honestly and openly. But in terms of how people express creatively or sexually, that is each person’s own business as far as I am concerned.
Sexual expression and creativity are connected though. I often think that creativity and writing coaches shy away from the topic but I would consider it remiss to do so. There is no denying it as a real factor in terms of our creative output (Yes, I do realize the irony in using that term!) They both have to do with how we flow in these bodies and how we flow in this world. I believe that we are meant to enjoy the expression of both in these short and blessed lives that we are given.
These bodies are gifts to be used, as our creative gifts. We are not just these disembodied, transcendent creatures floating around in the ethers.
If you’re able to more fully embrace one, the other will follow. If you’ve already embraced both, good on you.
*******A very important full disclosure statement to some of you: Like many, many women, girls and boys on this planet, I am a sexual abuse survivor. If you have experienced trauma around your sexuality, whether it was incest or rape, I urge you to seek professional support. In my twenties, I began counseling and EMDR therapy for the first time around this issue. If you have experienced something that has interfered with your natural sexual expression, as any kind of trauma or abuse does, I want you to know that
#1) I love you #2) You are worthy of healing #3) There are people out there who really care and really can help #4) You deserve to get your full sensual and creative expression back and you CAN #5) This course and other creative supports will help, but they will not be enough. You need a real life human being, who has been trained professionally to help you #6) If you do not have the financial resources for therapy, there are incest survivor 12 step programs and rape crisis centers that can point you toward free resources.
#7) You are not alone. #8) I love you.
Assignment for Today:
1) What is your relationship to creativity and sexuality? Is in open? Closed? Blocked? Free? Are you sexually satisfied? Do you know how to both express and contain sexual energy? (Containment is very different from expression by the way…Look up tantra if you’re interested in learning more)
2) Write a sexual fantasy or a piece of erotica. Do it for yourself. Write about what turns you on. Or, do it for a lover or a potential lover. Lean into their energy and imagine what turns them on. Can you stretch yourself to deepen your writing to uncover your language of pleasure?
For the love of story,